What Your Choice of Haddonfield Coffee Shop Says About You

It's 2013 and the number of coffee shops in Haddonfield has doubled from just 2 a full 12 months ago to 4 today.* Each coffee shop serves its own specific function and clientele. 

Here's what your choice Haddonfield coffee shop says about you:

Starbucks:
"I'm into coffee as a social construct. I'm into convenience. I know what I like, and that's what I get. In fact, I happen to like warm flavored milk more than I like coffee. So, Starbucks suits me. And my suit."

Alternatively: "I'm a wedding planner and am too cheap to run a real office, so I figured I'd get a your local coffee-loving community all up in your wedding details. Enjoy!"

Saxbys:
"I like to get value for what I buy. That Starbucks down the street was starting to get over-run with those FROO-FROO-ccino drinking young 'uns. And don't get me started on those ice cream defilers at Cold Stone. What were we talking about again? Oh yes, Saxby's. I like them because I can get in there for evening coffee at the reasonable hour of 4:30pm. It's a shame the management insists the employees work until 8:00pm. I'm in bed by then..."

Jersey Java:
"Jersey Java. Where do I start. It is the salve for the wounded and wandering soul. The beat for the poet. I'M AN ARTIST. I go to Jersey Java because they give a s*** about their coffee. The tannins, the notes... Their structure is... Indescribable. Like, I literally can't describe it. Also, I live close to Jersey Java and am too lazy to walk to those commercialized establishments in that downtown "business" district..."

Coffee BouTEAque:
"I'm adventurous. I support new small businesses. I'm a sucker for creatively punny names. Just kidding. I go to Coffee BouTEAque because my neighbor owns it and I'm trying to be nice."

*Some would say the coffee-shop market in Haddonfield is exhibiting near bubble-like conditions, but this is an a post about personality and not the economics of coffee in Haddonfield.